Meet the general election candidates for the Kenilworth and Southam seat: Nicholas 'Blunderbuss' Green (Official Monster Raving Loony Party)

Nicholas 'Blunderbuss' Green
Nicholas 'Blunderbuss' Green

We asked all the general election candidates standing for the Kenilworth and Southam seat to submit 300 words on why you should vote for them.

This is the pitch from Nicholas 'Blunderbuss' Green, representing the Official Monster Raving Loony Party (all the other candidates can be found on our website):

Having been a Kenilworth resident all my life it’s a great privilege to once again represent The Official Monster Raving Loony Party in our wonderful Constituency (apart from the monstrosity of HS2 that’s going right through the middle of it).

I was educated at Abbey High School in Leyes Lane, so you can blame them for producing a Monster Raving Loony! I then went to work in the engineering industry, mainly in Coventry for 46 years. But unfortunately at Christmas, I’m being made redundant. So, a comfy job in Parliament for a few years will do me fine.

My main hobby is fishing but also do some clay pigeon shooting as well. But I’ve never fired a Blunderbuss, which is disappointing. I enjoy videography and have spent many happy hours filming all the cars going through the flooded Ford, and some getting stuck.

Locally, I would like to see the Talisman Square car park turned into a McDonalds drive-thru. The Abbey Fields Lake should be stocked with sharks but due to health and safety issues they will have to be fitted with rubber dentures.

Sightings of ‘Bigfoot’ have been reported at Yarningale and Kenilworth Commons. So, please don’t go there alone.

Our party has been involved in elections since 1983 and in this forthcoming election we are fielding 25 candidates, hopefully a least one will get elected!

I believe council tax payers should get treble Nectar points.

If I poll more than 499 votes, I PROMISE to run through the streets of the constituency NAKED. If I don’t keep my promise I’d rather be ‘Dead in a Ditch’. On a more serious note, sadly my mother passed away recently on November 1, she was 94, so this election is dedicated to her. RIP Mum.