For seven years between the ages of five and 12, Leamington girl Natasha was sexually and physically abused by a trusted family friend.

Her abuser left her with physical scars that are still visible and emotional problems that led to drug and alcohol abuse, aggressive behaviour and difficulties building friendships and relationships.

She believes the man also attacked two of her siblings, and that her family knew about the abuse, but were afraid to report it.

Eventually, she fought back and the abuse ended, but her problems continued.

Two years ago Natasha began attending counselling with Warwickshire-based charity Safeline, which helps adult survivors of child abuse and rape. Almost 20 years after the attacks ended she reported her abuser to the police.

But despite a Natasha making a long statement, the Crown Prosecution Service did not feel there was enough evidence to bring a prosecution, although her abuser is now forbidden from having children under 18 in his home.

Natasha said: "He didn't have any respect for my body. He didn't care that I was in pain at the time. He treated my body like nothing and as an adult woman I felt like nothing.

"I'm not a stupid woman but I didn't try at school because I didn't feel I was worth anything. I went through life being very aggressive and kept people away.

"I will always be in counselling. My relationship with my family is ruined and my brothers and sisters are strangers."

"Sometimes it can get so bad I think I am going to go and kill him but then I think of my little girls and know that is not the way.

"My daughters have kept me strong. I am going to survive for my daughters but I feel my soul is destroyed."

Natasha keeps a diary in which she wrote her feelings about the recent Courier report. Here are extracts:

"I don't understand how the article could say that the accused did not realise that looking was hurting the child - how simple.

"To be abused is bad enough but to have someone see it and watch it and get gratification from it is degrading and shameful.

"How could this person believe that? They tell the experts what they want to hear so they don't have to go to prison.

"The rehabilitated pervert in your paper was just ticking boxes and no amount of counselling will change that. They find small children and their bodies sexually attractive.

"They enjoy the innocence and the power, the fear and the shame and the guilt and the pain they inflict.

"I don't want readers to normalise the abuse of children. There is no reason or explanation big enough to justify the disgusting act of sexual violation of a child.

"Abuse is not just the pain and confusion when it is happening, it carries on into adulthood and creates symptoms and problems for the rest of their lives. I was brave enough to get help but not everyone is.

"People who enjoy looking at the abuse of children never change, they just get older and less able to want to change.

"I agree raising awareness is important but not giving space to the views of the offender."


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