Jackie Taylor sends the following message:

Life here in Virginia continues on, in its usual hot humid sweaty way. Yes, I know you folks there in glorious Kenilworth, are sick to the back teeth of rain. Yet dare I say . . . Ill willingly trade houses with you for a week or two of rain, in order to escape this miserable heat. I dont expect you to understand, especially after the wet summer you have experienced, but believe me, this heat is awful. Im worn out, just stepping outside is draining.

Today . . . September 14th. Its 97 degrees Fahrenheit, with a heat index of 105, it aint fun!
Life as a shop keeper to the Brits continues to be a fresh and interesting experience for me. Not always a good one I might add, reality came home to roost last week, when were burgled.
I arrived at the store last Tuesday morning, to find the microwave sitting in the centre of the shop floor, not in its usual place in the office.

How curious, I thought, . . . but nothing else seemed out of place, so I assumed Pearl, (my one and only employee) would have a perfectly logical explanation, (although my racing mind couldnt come up with one). I opened the office door to find my books strewn all over the floor, it was only then the penny dropped. Upon initial inspection I couldnt see anything missing, other than the bin the books were stored in. I quickly checked the till and the float . . . all there. A collection box, for a local dog shelter, still sat . . . full of cash . . . on the counter. I reached for one of the phones to call Mike . . . no phone . . . I looked for the second phone . . . same thing . . . gone.
The phone chargers were still there however, I remember thinking how odd. I called Mike on my mobile, he, in turn called the police. They advised me to wait outside . . . in the blistering heat . . . and not touch anything. I called Pearl, at this point I wondered if shed forgotten to lock the door when leaving the night before. She came immediately and assured me she remembered locking up. The police arrived . . . 7 car loads . . . and a K9 unit . . . (well you know how these yanks are for overkill, I was expecting a Bobby on his bike). They quickly took charge, inspected the premises to ensure no bad guys were still lurking within. After it was deemed safe, Pearl and I entered and began taking stock.

The situation quickly became hilarious as we noted missing items . . . it began to read like a script from the TV show stupid crooks Two phones (no power/charger bases, so basically useless once out of range of the shop. I cant imagine theyd stick around to make a phone call home... Honey, its me Ill be a little late, I got held up, dont wait up. Four T-SHIRTS all emblazoned with various British emblems and unique to our store. (Now they would be hard to spot .Look officer . . . criminal pointing to new shirt, It wuz me, I did it). Four cans of Heinz vegetable soup. One can of Heinz tomato soup,( go figure, IN THIS HEAT?) Assorted chocolate bars, Twelve silver teapot necklaces (again sold exclusively by us) and finally . . . the trash . . . Yes, you read that correctly, they took our rubbish . . . bless! Oh and I forgot to mention they opened a packet of Jam tarts . . . decided they were horrid apparently, and threw them back in the freezer.

Still there, safe and sound as mentioned, was all the money . . . My PC complete with brand new flat screen monitor, the c.d.player and my assortment of c.ds (apparently my music was not to their taste), and 98% of the stock. The biggest mess we had to contend with was the awful black powder the policeman used for fingerprinting URG! Terrible stuff to clean up.
Later that day a detective arrived at the store with a plastic bag containing one of our phones and several of our necklaces, theyd apparently caught the twit, I learned that same afternoon he was caught stealing beer from a truck making a delivery to a local restaurant, then attempting to sell it . . . along with our stuff, to a group of construction workers whod watched him steal the beer. One civic minded chap called the police. Upon arrival at the police station, they discovered our belongings in his pockets. It wasnt too hard to determine he was the brainiac, whod done THE BEST OF BRITISH SHOP, the tea pots were a dead giveaway.

It seems he was a homeless man. That weekend we had hurricane Hanna bearing down on us (read a previous column on Virginia and Hurricanes). The the word on the street was he needed a place where he could get three squares and a bed to ride out the storm. Sad but theres probably a grain of truth there. The result of this is, we have now installed a security system in the shop . . . we realise we were VERY lucky, we could have been totally cleaned out. Pearl and I have to go to court next month as the case is tried. The liberal side of me hopes they will not be too harsh on this poor down -and- out. But the business side of me knows crime should never be rewarded and there are always better options.
But then again . . . three squares and a bed . . . humm . . . wheres me swag bag, mask and striped shirt! I wonder if they have air conditioning though, I have standards.